It takes alot of courage, as a therapist, to look at our ‘dead zones’ as I call them, and to shine a light on our deep subconscious drivers. And just because we are therapists, doesn’t mean we’ve done all our self development. In fact, some of the most wounded people are the ones that take on the world’s wounded. It can make us feel effective to help others when we feel ineffective or helpless in our own lives.

Effective Therapist

The cruel irony is however, you are much more effective as a therapist, when you understand that you are not responsible for other people’s wellbeing. It feels almost at odds with being a helper that you look at it this way. And indeed, fear of being called indifferent, impersonal, or useless will motivate us to do everything we can to avoid those labels.hypnotherapy help

The idea of taking responsibility for our clients reminds me of that saying about the third world issue that goes something like, ‘Give a people some food, and they can eat for a day. Teach them how to grow their own, and they can eat for a lifetime’. What do you want to do with your clients? How do you want your clients to regard their experience with you? Did you set them up to manage their own distresses, or have you taken all that responsibility for them yourself?

Make The Client Responsible

I believe it is our duty as a therapist to show them, by example if needs be, how to take responsibility for themselves. I believe if we are taking responsibility away from them, we are fire-fighting and wearing ourselves out. And of course, we are playing out our own issues and fear of failure, making ourselves feel valuable by how well we can get our clients to be.

hypnotherapist trainingHypnotherapy is but only one very powerful tool. But it is even more powerful when you cease to be the dispenser of scripts, and get your clients engaging in their own subconscious reveries. Working it out for themselves, knowing how to support change in them, and how to guide and offer praise for positive movement in their lives, will eventually ‘raise’ a fully functional adult who is in charge of their lives. And that’s just what we need to model too: taking charge of our lives. That means as therapists also understanding when our own buttons have been pressed and taking responsibility for our reaction to that.

Sediment & Wine

I often use the example of a glass of wine with sediment at the bottom. The sediment belongs to the wine. While it’s in the wine glass, standing still, the sediment rests ‘quietly’ at the bottom of the glass. Take a spoon however, and stir it round a bit, and the sediment will soon cloud the wine. Whose fault is it that the wine becomes clouded? The spoon, or the wine? And there I’ll leave the argument for you to continue…..