If you’re trying to be too many things to too many people, it’s because there are a few core qualities that you could do with nurturing to stabilise your inner world, and bring your consciousness into the here and now. This will naturally cause you to focus more consistently on your clients challenges, encouraging clear sightedness and insight. So which of them do you still need to address?

# 1          Humility

Humility is the quality that ensures you do not overinflate your relevance or power to your clients. Humility ensures you do not make huge assumptions that only serve to straightjacket your clients into ideas you have of them.  You must constantly question your ideas. Where have they come from? Who told you them? Have you tested their truth in your own life? Your clients have come for your help. Have the humility to not trot out rigid ideas and to listen with your heart as well as your head.

#2           Trust yourself

You need to trust, even if it doesn’t seem clear to start with, that there is an answer that you can discover with your client together to their challenges. Trusting yourself to be able to not freak out at the slightest blip in the therapeutic relationship ensures that you can remain in the here and now listening for the clues that will provide the answers to your clients troubles.

#3           Immediacy

Immediacy means to develop a style that enables you to work in the here and now. If you can’t bring your fears and irritations about your client to the surface as they arise, you are working in the fearful past trying to avoid socially uncomfortable situations.  This will incur major supervision bills as you keep trotting off to your supervisor to unload the stuff you ‘feel is inappropriate’ in the therapy session. If you do not learn how to master immediacy, your clients will miss a huge opportunity for personal growth because you are too scared to challenge them. Make a habit of noting the non verbal behaviours of your clients and bringing them to their attention. Sit back and do some unfocussed listening  and become mindful of your feelings about your client and practice sharing them as observations not as judgements.

#4           Willingness to share

Many models of therapy prohibit the personal exchange of information from therapist to client. In my opinion, this turns you into you a robot and makes your practice extremely uncomfortable and difficult to progress. You are a human being. What makes you useful to other human beings is your human-ness not your ethics or protocols.  Developing this quality will enable you to relax and develop camraderie as your client realises they’re not the only freak in town!

#5           Courage

By far the greatest quality you need in order even to start thinking about the rest is courage. You need to find the courage to have the most difficult conversations with yourself about whether you will let your fears dominate your life and work. Once you decide the answer is no, then you need to explore how else you could do things from a place that is no longer fearful. Imagine what it could be like if your deeper, almost unconscious performance anxiety with your clients were no longer there? Imagine how it would feel if you could welcome clients into your practice and absolutely know that you were not going to end up with a belly full of angst? Or worse, a sense of dread?

Developing these qualities are possible through deep personal enquiry. You can do that in many ways and it doesn’t always involve having personal therapy. What it does involve however, is your willingness to learn some deeper lessons, to face your own fears and pain, and to determine to process them and heal them. This will make you the beacon of transformation that your clients need. The leader of personal growth that your clients are themselves aspiring to. In short, being the change you wish to see will transform your practice into the work you were born to do and enable you to thrive financially doing the work you love.  Can I help you develop? Email me with your 3 greatest challenges and let’s talk.

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